Scratched Out

Somehow...
Somehow...
Somefuckinghow...
My subconcious was right.
And when I let it do the writing.
It showed me...
It just didn't show me what of.

But now I know. And I appreciate it.
So thank you. And good day.

And just to let you know.
I've always been on the receiving line
Of pain and it's inevitable.

But I will never hurt you.
Promise. (and I try to keep those)
-S.
"Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time"
-Taylor Swift (yes I am modern)

Goes to Show

Friends come and go
And you can't always have them
So I don't think I want to

If you're the one
That makes me happy when my phone
rings
But makes me stay up at night
crying
I don't know what to think

Because you choose your own path
To be what you are now
And you will never get far
With anything
If you don't do something
You're afraid of
If that's it

Honestly, I don't know
What it is.
Why can't you
Just tell me.

That's too much trouble right?

"Ur the one who wanted to do something. Ur the one who just wanted to be with me. Ur the one who promised. Yet...U always fucking do this and it's worse [now] cuz u know how much it pisses me off and how much I can't stand to be abandoned...and here we stand...apart. You just txt me most of the break and then when were supposed to do something [u promised] u leave me. Maybe that's why everyone calls you a manwhore. U can't commit. U can't even commit to being someones best friend. That's just another broken promise isn't it? [With you] No promise goes unbroken."

I mean't every word. When I say "I didn't mean it" I mean I didn't mean to send it.
Cuz honestly you deserve so much worse than this.
You always ditch me. The one time you didn't was when you decided to invite yourself.
So good job at being a bestie.
Douche bag.

-S.
"Without trust there is no love."
-Narcoleptic Argentinean

Grrrr

I'm starting
to feel
Unsure...
and I have to
Admit
you could do better than me

However I still
want to
be with you
and I don't care
what way.
Anymore.

Boy or Best
I don't care.
Because you
are still
making me smile
every day
making me laugh
every day
making me love
every day
saving me
you are....

Away from civilization
I still look at my phone
and read old
texts
to remind myself
you do care
and you are there.

And that makes me smile.

Away from civilization
And finally going to get some
just so I can make sure
you are okayy

Need some body...
-S.
"Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But either it was different in blood—"
-Lysander (of Shakespeare)

In essence of the being

I cannot
Stand
Being stuck
Here
With these
people
Who can't
Stand
Me anyways.

I want
to be
With you
because
i do
love you
So why
don't you
come back
to everything
and this
will be better

Because I
need
Somebody to
Talk
To........

-S.
"I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good, in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day "
-The Beatles
(often)

New Moon

So because New Moon has SIX (count 'em SIX) shirtless guys, all except one of which is hot (you know which one I am talking about) and has an amazing six pack...
Everybody Now!
Until I feel like embedding it.

-S.
"Open up your mind and let me step inside..."
-Queen (yeah i do a lot of their quotes)

Normal People

Enjoy holidays.
They enjoy what the world gives them.
They like spending time with their loved ones.
They are allowed to go see friends.
They go away on vacation.
They try to leave out school.
Because this is a holiday.

But fukk.
I can't stand it.
Right now?
The world has only one thing two offer me which i do take. The rest I hate.
I even hate what it's given me.
My loved ones are satan. They keep giving me shit, and they won't stop.
Which is hell.
They decide to lock me into the house with nothing to look forward to.
So I can't see the friends that are here.
Basketball and painting have consumed my life so what's the point of going away?
To come back to the mayhem it is.
I think I would rather be back in school, so I can stay away from this hell.
It'd be nice to see my friends...and such.

I used to only hate New Years and 4th of July...but now?
I'm actually looking forward to New Years. Yeah, shocker. Because I wont be stuck up in frozen over hell with my parents, my sister, and my sisters boyfriend.
And 4th of July has already past, so what's the point in dreding that?

Right now? This looks more like hell, because I am trapped from all corners to my Basketball and my room. Without any ties to the people I call friends.

-S.
"And turn it up on your radio, I got 200 seconds and I'm ready to go. I mean what can I say."
-3OH!3

+yeah...I know this wasnt as deep and mysterious, go fuk urself if I care.

The Show Must Go On

The play
that I'm writing
is so
much more amazing
then I
would have imagined

That's it.

-S.
"Another hero, another mindless crime; behind the curtain, in the pantomime"
-Queen

Everything in a Relationship

So I finally figured
you out
I now know what's you
problem
I'm not going to it
right now
You know on an internet
rumor blog

Rumor...yeah that's
kinda right
Considering this is
a rumor
That's going on repeat in
my head

But at least I know why
you so
Hot and Cold, On and Off,
Best and Not
Because everything just
adds up.
To my final analysis
and my
final blog on the matter

Because if you can't just
try it
Or do something your afraid
of...
Not that you ever said you
were afraid
but that's what everything
tells me...
I don't know what you are
doing
As my best friend...

You choose:
To be there
Then to not
To love me
Then to not
To notice me
Then to not
To try me out
Then to not
To text me
Then to not
To be there...
Then to not.

So it's one of two reasons...
a)The one I just thought of...which I wont say on here, but you can probably figure
out (nudgetitlenudge)
and
b)Or that all you want out of me is something. That's the only reason you'll do any of the above


Who knows. It could be both.

I love you but your not who you said you would be.
To me.

-S.
"Not it's too late, for me it's too late, I'm burn burn burning, yeah my hearts giving into my eyes."
-Anarbor

+I'm actually happy today...I guess...I always though only you could do that, but figuring out is like a whole new me. Or something like that.

Set Up to Knock Down

Every time hope goes up
Or every time it doesn't
You still manage to break
Everything in me
That loves you.
I don't know why
But I still do.
Maybe you should just
tell me to go away.

Whatever makes you happy.
But to let you know:
This doesn't make me...
happy...

-S.
"Wait, please don't go
I won't stay
All these words on replay
I'm okay
It's all right
Good to know that you're fine

Pretending everything is right to make it better
Align my makeup smeared eyes
To show that I tried"

-A.LL.

My Dog's getting Fat; Maybe I Should Stop Feeding her Cheez-Its

So lately?
(as if anybody reads this)
I've been good.
Like not about to do anything to stupid.
Or anything thoughtless.

But still...
I doubt things
Because every time they are up
They get torn down.
So what is the point of hoping?
To be glad for the moment?
And then phail later,
When the latter is what should be the best for you.

Yeah that.

Friends are easier now
And I just want to be in the loop
Not a thousand miles away.
And I don't know what I want
From the other.
Just a friend
is what I need right now.

Because when hell comes
It comes in the form of me.

-S.
"How can u just leave me standing? Alone in a world so cold?...Why do we scream at each other This is what it sounds like When doves cry"
-Prince

+yes. the previous post was Queen and this is Prince. I get it. It wasn't on purpose. (one of the book blog)

Yeah; Basically

So I'm thinking
I might just self-shun
myself.
Just because
no one will tell me
the truth.
Even if I
ask for it which
I do.

I'm sick of hoping
for it to be torn down.
It is every fucking
time you get it up.
haha. no not that way.

This isn't for you
This isn't for me
It's for them
The ones who I call friends...
The ones who I feel have slapped me
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Who can't just tell me what the fuck is going on.
It's for them

Self shunning sounds alright.
Because I can't lie to myself
right?
I can, true, and I will...
but still...
At least I know what's going on

-S.
I'm wiser than I've ever been but more full of shit than I'll ever be again...what the hell is going on? either I been missing something or nothing.
-The Matches

White is not a Race

I dont even know how it happened.
But I can't get rid of you.
I can't stop talking to you.
I can't not love you.

I don't eve know why but I do.


Maybe it's because you were there for me when no one else was
Maybe it's because you can always make me smile
Maybe it's because you are just you

And that makes me happy on my own.


Yes. You did make it worse. Yes. You still do.
But only when you aren't my best friend.
And when I can't explain things correctly.
Like now.

For some odd reason my heart aches right now.
Whether or not it's from the pizza or just you you should tell me.
I wish things were different.
Or the same.
I no not which.

-S.
PS The Box is out
And No. I dont have a song to put here

somehow

i thought you were different
However
you are the same
Both said they cared
That they'd be there
And then they fucked off

You never called to make sure I was okay
You never came over and sat down with me
You never wanted to just say hello
You never were what you said you would be

You said you loved me.
Over and over again.
Am I being ignorant?
Or are you just not understanding what those words mean.
Because they mean more than what you are giving them.

I will always be there for you.

Little do you know that I trust you
Ordinary people don't have what I do for you
Vouch for me and I will for you
Even though everyones deserted you I am here

You always make me smile, no matter how shitty I feel
Only when you cry around me I do about you
Unless the apocolypse happens, I am by your side...even then


I thought you were my best friend
And I really don't know what to think.
Because if you can read this and say NOTHING it means you have NOTHING for me.

Like I don't have any more respect for you.

Asshole.

-S.
"Don't waste your time on me, your already the voice inside my head"
-B182

zomg; makedamnsure

You know what?
your an ass.
After you promised you wouldn't be.
After you said you'd be there.
After you said you wouldn't ditch me. Again.
But you did.
Ditch me.
You were an extreme douche.
You weren't there.

I wouldn't be so pissed off
if...
yes the infamous if...
if...
you didn't lie about it.
I would still be mad, yes,
But it would have made YOU less of a douche.
Cuz right now is when things come up.

Such as:

I get up in the morning to see four people:
My best friend, My girl best friend. My sister. And my Moose.
You being the first one.
But "seeing" as I haven't "seen" you in a FUCKING WEEK...
and when I was supposed to you LIE TO ME...

So that is where I stand.
I want to make sure you know WHY I am mad at you.
And tell you I dont think I'm being bitch.
I think you are being Sir Douche Bag.

-S.
"You are everything I want, 'cause you are everything I'm not"
-TBS